A general definition of a queen is a female [woman] ruler of an independent state. In a chess game, a queen is regarded as the
MOST POWERFUL piece that each player has. This is a highly authoritative title, a role that commands respect and submission.
Ever since the beginning of time, women have always been regarded as strong and influential beings. To cement this, we even have a special month dedicated to honour mothers, wives, sisters and daughters who fought tirelessly to position women in our society. This commemoration is also extended to women who carry the baton to challenge and influence change in the contemporary society. These women are recognized and honoured for the impact they made in our communities and different structures through many platforms.

I was 20 years old when I had my first child. Six months later I found myself juggling a full time job, motherhood and being a wife, partner, spouse and caregiver. I had to manage these responsibilities and still look after myself, and remember to be someone’s daughter, a friend, a sister, a neighbour and a member of society. On the plus side [for me at least] was the fact that I already had some experience in care giving. I learned the ropes of taking care of and raising a child with my little brothers and sisters. So that part was basically taken care of. The part that no one teaches you exactly what you need to know, and I mean every single detail [as in the nitty-gritties], is how to be that perfect partner; a wife, a friend, a lover, supporter, advisor or even a better critic, or how to fit in a new family.

In the African culture [or at least some], when a young woman is about to leave her paternal home and marry-after the process of negotiations and [amalobolo] the dowry has been completed-she is subjected to a special type of “coaching”, which is provided by the female elders in her [paternal] family. If you’re lucky, your favourite aunt would be part of that. The purpose is to prepare umakoti for the role of a woman and a wife she is to become. This is theory though, and when she enters the land in her new own home or in-laws…the practical part begins. And this can become overwhelming, trust me I know! Your fortitude may be tested; from critics, to empathy, you have to grow up and create your own identity, sometimes you find yourself having shelved your own values, slowly you adopt even those that do not feel rightto you.. You do this to fit it, to be accepted, to blend in. If you’re lucky, you’ll get thos that can support, respect and appreciate you. In that case you’ll get the guidanceyou need to learn all the tricks and trades that make your new family tick.
Survival in some instances depends on one’s strong traits, most importantly the type of support system that one has; spouse, parents, in-laws, friends and maybe new associations. I was blessed, I had a strong support system. As daunting and maybe demanding as it was, I believe I managed the role of being this awesome working mother and a wife because of the pillars of strength I had around me. Ofcourse there were challenges but I always found the strength to maneuver and eventually established my own roots.
The establishment of the women’s position in society was made possible through multiple structures which were geared to support and cement their existence. They helped shape and position, whilst strengthening the voice of women even in the most difficult structures as it’s still the case today.
Our background differ-from the families we come from, and the teachings we had as children and young women. As we grow older and become more aware of who we are and what we stand for, we start to establish our own values, circles of friends, fractions and communities. We start to dream about what we want to do and how to get to those goals; in society as a whole, business world, families etc. Some as it is common in women see and begin to prepare themselves for that special [wedding] day, whereas others don’t even have a choice in the
matter due to various circumstances, and instantaneously become care givers [mothers and possibly wives].
Whatever the type of background or circumstance, we are gifted with the ability to adapt, influence, challenge and transform even the most difficult situations. And with the structures available now, we are equipped to stand tall. As much as we want recognition from others-and do deserve it-but, we need to start acknowledging our importance and the changes we have made and continue to implement across all platforms-it doesn’t matter how small, what’s important is the impact.
In my few decades [of life] and interactions with people, I connected with women who are not only strong but also not shy to share their experiences and wisdom. The gorgeous beings who turned their houses into homes. The Divas who continue to challenge the ‘what not’ into ‘why not’ and still remain poised. The intelligent minds that silently kindle the souls of their families and make even the most difficult and arrogant people see reason. The insightful and sensitive females who employ their intellect to command a realm. The passionate children of their mothers who are selfless enough to share their love without fail. The objective decision-makers and the role models in our communities.
Here’s to you game changer!